My Dearest Jolie,
12 years ago today, your papa and I found you at an outdoor adoption event in Brentwood. After abandoned by your original owner at a vet’s clinic because they didn’t want to pay the medical expenses to help you give birth and been sent to a shelter later, you were rescued but had been switched to many different froster families in between. Though you were so insecure and afraid that we might leave you again, you still decided to give us a chance. Just like that, we became your mama and papa, and you even got a little naughty sister, Mochi. You stayed, never left, because you knew this was where you meant to be.
You have blossomed to be a happy, adventurous and beautiful girl with the sweetest soul. I named my new business after you and your sister, Mochi; you modeled and walked on runways for my luxe doggie wear collection; you traveled coast to coast countless times; your photos graced magazines and calendars…and I hope you had lots of fun and lived a wonderful life.
It has only been 2 days since I held your in my arms and told you to not be afraid because you will be running and jumping again pain free; told you to look after us from above and make sure to visit us frequently in our dreams because we will miss you so much; told you to remember our voices because next time when you see us, we might look very different, but I know you will spot us instantly and we will all meet again…with tears streaming down my face.
It's been 48 hours since you left. Sometimes it feels like it's only been a minute since I last saw you, and you're going to come running and greeting us at the door after we parked the car in the garage. Sometimes it feels like a bad dream, and maybe I’ll wake up and see you sandwiching between us under the blanket. Or maybe you are taking a sunbath somewhere in the house and napping a warm afternoon away… Then I saw the kitchen counter where used to have so many of your medicinal bottles and IV bags is all cleaned up and empty, I know it's real.
"You don't know how much something means to you, until it's not there" It might sounds cliche, but it is so true. When I walked through the door when I got home 2 days ago...I suddenly realized that you weren't not coming home with us anymore. I stood there in the entryway for at least 5 minutes, staring at your purple flower coat on the coat rack and hoping that your excited face would peek around the corner to see who it was. But that never happened, and it hurt more than I thought it would. You have left such a big hole in my heart that I don’t know how long it will take to heal. There is an ache in my heart that will never go away. Grief is the price I pay for love.
The first thing I did at night after you were gone was to clean up and arrange a special designated area for your photos and belongings. I make sure that’s the place you can see us eating dinner and enjoying some family time together as always. And I will get to see you every time I walk around like you never left.
Since I never knew your real birthday, I decided to use the day you joined our family to be your birthday going forward. So, Happy Birthday, Jolie! You are the best kiddo papa and mama can ask for. Mochi misses you too! She wants to send you her birthday kisses, and you can feel them up there, right?
I try to keep myself busy with things to do, but every moment I pause, I think of you. How lucky we have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. But goodbyes are not forever. They simply mean we will miss you until we meet again.
I miss you deeply.